March, 2010


31
Mar 10

Pun

Are pedophiles responsible for the shape of popsicles?


29
Mar 10

Lamé

Why do we waste the best years of our lives getting ready for lackluster endings?


19
Mar 10

Sloth

I love spring but the trash revealed by melting snowbanks is a scourge on the season.


16
Mar 10

Sideways

The Most Depressing Yard in Town

the most depressing yard in town


9
Mar 10

Vibration

Do people dream about me as often as I dream about them?


5
Mar 10

Bones

The side part is the best thing that ever happened to me.


3
Mar 10

Savant

The house across the street is having an equestrian competition. The horses are skittish. One of the girls hits hers on the head with a shovel. Accidentally. The horse bolts across the street and rips through the wall of my dining room, my hall closet, and my kitchen. It staggers into the backyard, streaming scarves and mittens. The grass is spotted dead with dog piss.

The horse crumples and dies. Everyone is rushing to take it away, but I can’t find my camera. Its muscle fibers should be documented. I decide to join the swim team.

Instead of laps, I sink to the bottom of the pool and stay there. This is the longest I have held my breath. I am happy. I do not touch the pool slime. Surfacing, I find that my arms have withered. I cannot get out of the pool.

I tread water and wake up.