The side part is the best thing that ever happened to me.
03
Mar 10
Savant
The house across the street is having an equestrian competition. The horses are skittish. One of the girls hits hers on the head with a shovel. Accidentally. The horse bolts across the street and rips through the wall of my dining room, my hall closet, and my kitchen. It staggers into the backyard, streaming scarves and mittens. The grass is spotted dead with dog piss.
The horse crumples and dies. Everyone is rushing to take it away, but I can’t find my camera. Its muscle fibers should be documented. I decide to join the swim team.
Instead of laps, I sink to the bottom of the pool and stay there. This is the longest I have held my breath. I am happy. I do not touch the pool slime. Surfacing, I find that my arms have withered. I cannot get out of the pool.
I tread water and wake up.
22
Feb 10
Go, Rewind
I am ready to trade my dry, cracked skin and cold feet for open windows, drinks on the porch, and night swimming in the lake.
15
Feb 10
Saint Valentine’s Day Carnage
I don’t usually paint my nails when they are this short. My sloppy self-manicure makes me feel like an unsuccessful child prostitute.
At dinner last night, I watched a very large man eat bread. Dissatisfied with the supplied accompaniments of hummus and pâté, he and his partner asked for butter and oil.
After several consuming several topped with oil, he spread a scoop of pâté–after testing the suspect ingredient with one huge finger–on another slice and then applied a liberal amount of butter on top.
I expected him to drop dead at the table.
13
Feb 10
Kitchen Nonsense
Spoon rests are a useless invention.
They spare you the effort of cleaning the counter, but you still have to wash the spoon rest.
